SPACE

I am not a love guru but many will agree with me that when it comes to love, no one is experienced enough to know better. Neither does love have a perfect recipe to cook up a perfect relationship. Having said this, I would like to give my take on what I think when it comes to communication in a relationship.

At the start of any relationship communication is in abundance. The development in technology has even simplified the concept of relationships where people tend to feel each other’s presence at any given time. We all love those endless messages and constant phone calls reassuring each other as to how much we love each other and whatnot. What we seem to forget is that too much of anything is harmful!

There are times that relationships have broken down not due to lack of communication but rather due to too much communication. Not a second that goes by hasn’t one sent a message or ping or an email to their partner in demand of getting an answer (that we already know) back. 

Endless reassuring questions like: “Baby do you love me” can sometimes become very annoying and display lack of confidence in a relationship.What we need to understand is that people are different, some like to talk about how they feel and some manifest their feelings with actions. 15 to 20 phone calls a day updating me on what you are doing and whether I love you, may not be a very romantic thing to do, because it is rather turning your partner into a status update platform, which can very easily change course from caring to nagging.

Another problem starts when the blossoming relation starts to wear out where things get back to normal and the love birds return from dream land to the reality that they have opened up too much to each other and ended up in unexplored territories. Yes honesty is a good thing but are we willing to work with the consequences of our genuine honesty?

Indeed it is cute at times to be all on each other but we need to give each other a bit of space to miss each other and stir up the yearning to talk to our partners.

 Perhaps we sometimes need to be expensive and not respond at impulse because sometimes, people tend to take you for granted when you are always there at their disposal. 

"I’m Only Human", So I (Deliberately) Make Mistakes

We all make mistakes at one point or another in our lives. That is because of the indisputable fact that no one is perfect. No one is capable of making no mistakes.  But are we taking this conviction too far?

We sometimes afford to make mistakes in the hope that at the end of the day we will stage the theatrics of “I’m only human I’m not perfect” and be forgiven in return. But is it really okay to sometimes make deliberate mistakes and compromise our relationships just because “we are not perfect”?  I think some people are just abusing this opportunity, to be precise when it comes to relationships.

A friend of mine once told me that the best way to get a woman’s heart is to annoy her just so you get the opportunity to apologize, it makes her feel special. I was kind of offended by the sexist comment but after hearing his bizarre theory I had to do my little research and as crazy as it seems, it often works. I couldn’t really tell whether it’s because of the fact that women are naturally forgiving or it’s because men who do this are very good at apologizing with gifts and all that you can imagine.

From what I gathered is that generally some people deliberately annoy others using the “I’m not perfect” excuse as a scapegoat. If at all you are human it means you are rational enough to know at the time that your actions have a potential of hurting others. Particularly when people cheat and do other little annoying things in a relationship this becomes a very common defence, “baby I’m sorry I’m only human”… seriously??

Truckloads of flowers, candy and stagy affection to calm the wronged partner usually follow and with time all is forgotten. At the end of the day it just becomes monotonous and the excuse becomes redundant, leading to dramatic breakups. 

I think this is very belittling on women because it makes us look like gullible beings who succumb to the theatrics and forgive at command. Perhaps we need to have a clear understanding with our partners from the beginning that such excuses are out of the question.

There is a not such a thing as love without respect. And a person will only annoy and manipulate your feelings if they don’t respect you which eliminates the presence of any love. We always demand to be treated right thus we should not forget the Golden Rule:

 Act like a Queen to be Treated Like One. 

GIRL POWER?

Empowerment is a big word. But how many of us actually get the gist of what entails the so called emancipation of women. It is somewhat disappointing to see how the poor word is forcefully fitted to justify some utter mediocrity staged in the name of girl power. My main issue is with the endless bombardment of Girl power anthems colonizing our ears which run through the media 24/7.

The list is endless when it comes to the number of girl power themed songs. Some, of course are very inspiring and encouraging to alleviate the plight of women and they embrace the value of womanhood. I wish to say the same about most of them but in my humble opinion I am ashamed as a woman to even sing along. However, I am a big fan because they make a good feminist adrenalin rush when you listen to them hence my contradiction!

Still worse, the anthem ‘ringleaders’ had to show up almost naked to deliver the message of celebration of womanhood and dignity! These are the so called empowered women. How ironic... If that is not enough, they seem like a bunch of angry women ganged up against men and the world. What I don’t seem to understand is what exactly we are supposed to get out of it. Sadly all we walk away with from these spectacles is the tantalising images of women privates encrusted with some tiny wacky lingerie of outfits they call attires. 

To be honest I am a big fan of music and movies but today, I could care less what I hear than what I see which is very true of so many of us. By saying this I’m not trying to play double standards because I also ride in the same ‘guilt bus’ of succumbing to the oppressive contemporary influences which have polluted the divine concept of a woman’s beauty being her crowning glory. If I may say, embarrassingly, I am greatly entertained by them! To the performers its no big deal because sex appeal sells thus they do what they have to do get the message across or else, today, no body would listen.

Not that I am embracing the idiocy but as a rational being one should exercise their freedom of speech to air what they think which is what I am trying to do here. It is not that we don't see what is happening but rather we embrace the situation because it is entertaining.

Speaking from experience I appreciate that being a woman is a struggle in so many aspects caused by social influences. but do most of us quite understand what exactly we are struggling against? 

Yes the media manipulation of women as sexual utilities is to blame but it is time we start analysing and distinguish what’s to carry over as real life and what we should leave in the media boxes for entertainment in the name of ‘trend setters’, yes we should be entertained and that’s where it should end. True emancipation comes from within us as women not from a bunch of naked ladies ranting about how we rule the world! We women are jewels that should be treasured and thus lets treat ourselves like the jewels we are.

As the saying goes:
To increase the Value of your Availability, Restrict your Accessibility!

THE UNFULFILLED WISH LIST

Everybody has their secret ‘wish list’ that they keep in mind when it comes to their ideal person they want to spend their life with. ‘Mr. Right’ or ‘Prince Charming’ as loosely and commonly referred to. Most women like to always think that the longer they wait the bigger the chances are of meeting their perfect match. Truth is, or rather I think, no magic usually happens. What happens is that some random guy comes along who happens to tick some boxes on the ‘wish list’ which somehow qualifies him as the right person.

More often than not, the contrary usually happens. In the pursuit of meeting the right person, we pass through a lot of trials and tribulations and as a result, time fails our expectations and we tend to move the goal posts in the hope that the next one will be better.

Some are fortunate enough to meet their likings. Now the not-so-lucky ones consequently are subconsciously forced to reduce their fancies to a more realistic and achievable wish list. Failure to that they become bitter towards love and lead the ‘I don’t believe in love’ campaign together with other misconceived ideas about the notion of ‘independent women’. It is understandable where their anger stems from.

One thing we should understand is that to be an independent woman doesn't mean that one should be alone and full of vengeance against the idea of being happy and content with a significant other. Most women in this situation like to play the sympathy card in that they are always the wronged ones in a relationship. Ever thought of it the other way round?

It is only after accepting that not all the time will ‘happily ever after’ be on the menu, will one come to terms with the reality and be content with what life has to offer. Waking up to that ugly reality, one accepts the fact that love is not always a fireworks at first sight and then learn to understand and become content with what they get.

This doesn’t mean that at this point one should fall for anything that comes along but rather accept the fact that no one likes to be alone. As much as one would embrace the façade on the outside, truth is everybody likes to feel that tiny tingle that somebody thinks of them, that sweet beat skip when they see the person they love, and that little destraction from the hustles of life from that one person who will listen and always be there for them. Besides, everybody loves that little special attention!

So moral of my story is: We Can’t Always Get Our Wish List. 
Sometimes one just has to embrace what Life has to offer and learn to live with it. Superficial preferences are not always what we should be looking for. It is the person within that matters the most.

THE LONG WALK

Growing up I used to think people in university and colleges were endowed with super powers to be able to learn all that hard “grown up stuff” like medicine, law and the like. Reality slapped me hard when my time came and I realized it’s not that they are super intelligent or what but rather they hustle their way through it and succeed.

Most people would usually go like: “it’s just like yesterday!” or “aww, how time flies”… well with me, it took me forever to get here! My commitment with education has been since my senses can recall, right from baby class to where I am now. Okay, of course I remember it like yesterday when I started out my first year in law school. Man was it a struggle!

Right from my turtle speed typing to the exotic delicacies I was tempted to try out and had to endure the aftermath. The dreadful exams, mooting sessions, and endless lists of case facts I had to memorize… Not forgetting the “all up in your business” lecturers!

 The only thing that kept me going was the thought that what I’m working on is an investment on that comfortable Life I always fantasize of when I’m daydreaming, that Mercedes Benz I always wanted to buy for my mum as a birthday gift and the fact that I am answerable to not only my parents who took me there but rather whoever knew me would demand answers to know what I did, how and why. (That awkward moment when people demand to know what’s going on in your life, not that it helps them or anything, they just want to know!)

Not that it’s a bad thing, but after fixing it into my mind that failure or quitting is not an option I had to get my game right and get through this struggle by all means.

Well I must say I don’t regret a minute that passed my university life. I met awesome and not so awesome people along the way. I made so many friends (real and virtual) but they are all equally close to my heart. I learnt good and not so good things. I did great things and some things I may have done that I’m not so proud of BUT, all in all every second counted towards making me who I am today. My life in uni taught me the importance of having friends, the value of money (yes money... those times when you run so broke you can’t even afford to pay attention!), and most important, how to live with people.

Studying in two countries has been quite an experience for me not forgetting going through all this with my dearest friends who I lived with, studied with and particularly my buddy whom we endured together through thick, thin, dark, bright, full, empty and even the epic moments of my Uni life! She is one of those people with a heart so pure, beautiful from the inside to the outside. Those few people left in this world who actually knows the meaning of friendship!

Alhamdulillah to this step that we have made in our lives, but as the saying goes “every finish line is the beginning of a new race”, nonetheless, it is a step towards a new life and new challenges that I am willing to welcome and face with enthusiasm In Shaa Allah!

Cheers to that ;-)

A WELCOME NOTE

                                                       
                                                      A brief note about my blog...

It's a good destraction when you need one!