YIELDING MOTIVATION FROM "Haters"

Have you ever wondered why and how you made the cut to survive in this world till today? Well, considering you have no any special contract with God to survive to date but you still are, there must be a purpose of your existence. Everyone and everything in this world has a reason to be there and indeed not behind everyone’s presence is there a great story to be told. Others exist for the greater good whilst others are there, not for the wrong reasons but rather to shape and motivate others’ lives.

I don’t think ‘haters’ (as we loosely refer to them) is the right word to use when we refer to ‘not-so-good’ people we encounter in our lives. Perhaps the right word should be motivators. Yes motivators, because on my opinion I think we should appreciate having such challenging characters in our lives. This is because it is undeniable that most of us are where we are today because we either strived to prove a point to some ‘motivator’ who told or made us feel that we can’t make it, or, are where we are because we were at some point driven by a positive vengeance to become greater personalities, instead of confronting our ‘motivators’ who hurt us at some point.

Imagine how disheartened a performer feels when singing in a big stage without an audience. Drawing such an analogy to our lives, I believe we all need an audience to heckle or cheer us up as we perform in this show called life. Motivation sometimes comes in the weirdest of ways, sometimes the worst people we meet in our lives can bring out the best in us. We may not notice at the time we encounter them but the things they teach us along the way make us look back and sometimes be thankful we ever met them.

Indeed it hurts when we are unfairly done unto, bullied, bad mouthed or oppressed.  But life is not all about fairness, even in an exam, you sometimes perform your best when you learn the hard way. Thus life is like an endless exam with a few rewards here and there. Not even a motivational speaker or a life coach can push you to the limits you can achieve when the drive to succeed comes from a vengeful place in your heart. This is what we refer to as a positive vengeance!

On this note that we acknowledge the contribution of the not-so-accommodative people we have encountered in our lives. They touch our lives in a rather magical way that we always treasure unconsciously. We may not see the impact of how much their presence in our lives mean to us but it is worth noting the lessons they teach us in the process. The question to ask yourself is what is the purpose of your life to you and to others? Are you to be remembered for the best or for your fortunately failed attempt of demotivating others turned positive?

OWNING UP TO YOUR MISTAKES

Everybody makes mistakes and it is common to expect an immediate apology when one is wronged. The issue is on the other end when it comes to accepting that one is wrong. It is common human behaviour to feel defensive and self-righteous at times. What we overlook is that not taking responsibility of our mistakes is yet another big mistake. This is because in a community be it a social or any formal setting we are bound to clash whether in a minor or major way and to overcome this inevitable outcome we need to own up to our mistakes sometimes because an apology never killed anyone.

Sometimes one’s ego will never let them step down and accept they were wrong because they either feel what they did was the right thing or they feel that they can fix whatever they have done without apologising. We all have gone through that feeling at some point where deep inside you feel wrong but the mind tells you what you are doing is right.

Sometimes climbing up the corporate ladder for instance, is not only attributed to an attractive CV and expertise but also little details like character. And that is why some people never progress because trivial things like not accepting your flaws can demonstrate a weak character which may be the hindrance of one’s development in many ways.

It is not uncommon to find people denying they were wrong by apportioning the blame to others and coming up with a million reasons. I believe a true leader is the one who owns up to their mistakes and takes responsibility of their actions. This does not make anyone lesser of what they are but rather it manifests a strong character who can take criticism constructively which is a key ingredient if one wants to live harmoniously with others.

By saying this I don’t mean that one should be docile and submit to apologising at impulse because this is also a weak trait if I may say. Once people realise that you are a submissive character they may abuse the opportunity. But when we are genuinely wrong, there is no harm to own up to our mistakes and apologise because life is a journey that no one has it all figured out, we learn so many things in the process and accepting our mistakes is one of the lessons.

Life is not a story we write on a piece of paper erasing anything we desire at will. We cannot undo anything we have done but we can always try to make things right by sometimes accepting that what we did was not right. Growing up we can never understand the importance of little things like an apology but as we progress and experience the repercussions like losing friends, losing a job, a bad vengeance or even ending up with a bad image in the society is when we realize the importance of accepting we are wrong sometimes. As the famous saying goes:

“It is only an error in judgement to make a mistake, but it shows infirmity of character to adhere to it when discovered.”

A MESSAGE TO MY FATHER.

There are so many good things I would want to say about my father, 

There are so many ways I would want to show him what he means to me, 

There are so many prayers I would want to make for him to live longer, 

There are so many ways I would want to return the favours he did to me, 

But nothing I can ever do will explain how much I love him and what he means to me.

At my failed attempt of composing a poem just to explain how much my father means to me, I came to realize that the feeling is indescribable. I was fortunate enough to grow up in the presence of my father, I must say it was one of the best favours that God ever granted me. To me, everyday that God grants me, is another Father's an Mother's day because I cannot recall a second of my life that goes by without the feeling of gratefulness towards my father and my mother. 

A father need not be a biological one but even that father figure in your life is still your father. We all have different personal experiences as to how our parents have touched our lives and sadly some have not been fortunate enough to have their fathers and mothers in their lives either due to death or separation and the like. But the fact remains the same that regardless of the time or distance, the moments that you have shared or are sharing with your parents are the ones that should be cherished. I could say I have the best father in the world, but everybody's father is their best father because he is the only one they can ever have.

I could take a whole day narrating the moments I have shared with my father and how much he has sacrificed to shape me into what I am today but to make the story short, I attribute every proud moment and milestones of my life to him because today I am a proud young woman in so many ways thanks to God who made him my father. 

Before I take up the whole day cherishing this moment, I think I should end here and give my father a call just to hear that voice which always gives me my life back when I am down, that voice which always tells me which way to go when I am lost and that voice which always proves to me there is love in this world even when I have lost faith in it. Fathers day is just another cultural and commercialised day to acknowledge fathers but my urge is to take everyday as fathers and mothers day to appreciate and thank God for having them in our lives.

To my father with love,

Tanisah. 

ENDURING MOMENTS

There is that dark moment in your life when you feel everything around has broken down. To a point where you have reached rock bottom, the darkest moment of your life where no one but you understand how you feel.  Nothing can get worse than how things are and the best your loved ones can do is feel sorry for you and try to understand what you are going through.  

That moment where you have nowhere to turn to, the only option you have is to endure the moment. We all face those moments at some point of our lives with every scenario different from another, be it losing a loved one, an argument, a wrong step taken, an embarrassing moment, a mistake done or a job lost. These are feelings that cannot be generalised into one sort since everybody has their threshold of pain and their intensity of endurance.

The feeling is so bad it compels you to feel like you are of no purpose in this world and at times, for the faint hearted, suicidal thoughts start creeping up their minds. What we fail to remember at this point is that we are neither the first nor the last to have made such mistakes or endured such pain and that such situations only test and strengthen our humility.

Regardless of one’s age, growing up is an inevitable process which entails not only the physical and emotional progression but also a learning process in which mistakes are bound to be made and situations are bound to be faced along the way.

Our lives are our legacies as individuals, thus we should be the authors and the judges of our stories. Making mistakes or enduring a painful moment is just another part of the process, there is not a divine person in this world neither does anyone live in a bubble immune of the challenges of life. If anything, we need the bad moments in our lives to appreciate the good ones while they last as the famous quote goes: 

"Love the moment. For even flowers grow out of dark moments. Therefore, each moment is vital. It affects the whole. Life is a succession of such moments and to live each, is to succeed."

THE AUTHOR OF 'Life & You' - A MOMENT WITH COSTANTINE MAGAVILLA

We are all influenced by something or someone at some point in our lives and as human beings; we all have a past, be it good or bad. Everyone has experiences to share with others, as one of my friends put it, the question is "to which audience are you narrating your story."

There are many great people in this world who have done great philanthropic things that have influenced many but sometimes you may not need the likes of Gandhi, or Nyerere to move you. It may be anyone. And that is how this brilliant Author I came across falls in the picture.  

Growing up I had many dreams and writing was never one them. When it came to literature, my interest was being a reader and that is where it ended. The most writing I did was the compulsory school essays! However, after coming across some very interesting and motivational literature authored by a very brilliant guy by the name of Costantine Magavilla, the author of the book "Life & You - a guided journey through self" and his many other articles, things changed. 

I must say, prior to meeting him in person, I always visualised him as an older and very experienced person in the realm of life as a whole. But I was even more impressed after realizing that he was no superhero but just a normal smart, focused, outspoken and very optimistic young man who used his life experiences to motivate others. 

I was impressed because his motivational efforts through his writings and speeches taught me that in this world one can be whatever they want to be regardless of their age or experience, quoting from one of his remarkable notes: "The legacy you leave is the legacy you live." Thus in acknowledging his influence on the youth as a writer and a motivational speaker, I asked for a few minutes of his time to interview him with regard to his career as a writer and a motivational speaker and this is how it went: 

Qn: what inspired/compelled you to become a writer? was it a life long dream or it just happened as a good coincidence?

Ans: I have always been a passionate communicator having my roots in public speaking and debate. Writing has enabled me to further my life-long dream of communicating with purpose.

Qn: Do you consider writing as an alternative career or a side hobby?

Ans: It has become an alternative career over time as it has evolved into motivational writing and speaking, which is something I am quite keen on building on professionally.

Qn: As a youthful motivational writer/speaker, your aim seems to be to influence the youth into some form of emancipation of self. You even impressively coined a new phrase, 'Magavillaism' which stands for your ideology. How do you think you can achieve that devoid of the prevalent circumstances?

Ans: I will continue to use every opportunity I get to share the learnings I gather in life; life is a great teacher only if we allow ourselves to learn from it. Every time I share my experiences, I am humbled by how similar we are as a people; we just need to be more candid and giving of ourselves and we can truly make a difference.

Qn: What do you envision yourself doing in say 5 years to come?

Ans: I see myself doing more communication and consultation work in personal/ social development; I want to be of service to my people.

Qn: Have you ever considered becoming a politician? (because you seem to have very revolutionary ideas which will be well received with the general public)

Ans: Becoming a politician as in running for a public office; no.

Qn: What advice do you have to young people aspiring to prosper like you?

Ans: The challenges of life should never be a cause for regret or remorse but rather fuel that burns your drive to live the best life you can; I always say that rejection has been the source of my conviction. Young people should take control of life and have confidence in what they believe in and focus on the target by taking decisions that reflect their longer term desires.

Qn: What challenges have you faced from the public as a young writer considering much of what you write is inspirational and motivational, of which by the norm of our African societies, such wisdom usually stem from the older generation?

Ans: I had a lot of doubting Toms around me. My belief is simply one: any experience, when communicated well, is worth sharing. We are all authorities of our lives and that is what my work aims to do - get people to see that they are the authority or reference of last resort in their lives.

Qn: What are your future plans with regard to your attempts to help the Tanzanian Youth? have you ever considered opening an institution to manage their dreams and stir them to prosper as you motivate them?

Ans: In my past life, I was involved in setting up youth groups/initiatives (i.e. ISWT, TYVA & YUNA to name a few) that have since nurtured great talent in Tanzania and am currently exploring communication platforms that will help me reach and help as many people as is possible.

Qn: In your book, 'Life & You - a guided journey through self' you have brilliantly authored a motivational story, leaving your audience wanting more from you. Does it end there, are we to expect another book?

Ans: My first book was a foundation book based on reflections gathered in my life over a period of 5 years. A lot has happened in my life in the 4 years after I authored my first book in 2007. Whether it merits another book, will be seen soon God willing.

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Thank you very much for taking your time to insight me and my audience on your plans and aspirations. For more information on his book and articles you can visit: http://magavilla.com 

PRIDE Vs. ARROGANCE

Everyone has pride albeit not overtly. However, in adjusting to the society, we sometimes have to conform and consider what others perceive of us in order to protect our honour because we cannot live completely devoid of the surrounding cultural and moral values. I came across a very interesting insight on the porous difference between pride and arrogance as analysed by a philosopher called Aristotal  that I figured is worth sharing with my audience! This is because most of us usually mistake the virtue of self pride with arrogance towards others. 

Pride

"Pride is the virtue of respecting oneself. It is a human need to think highly of oneself. Without it, one would have no reason to trust one's ability to live. One would have no reason to accept that one's life is worthy of living.

Pride is often confused with arrogance. Both seem to evaluate oneself highly. The difference is fundamental, though. Pride is a rational evaluation of oneself. Arrogance is not. Pride requires one to think highly of one's accomplishments and abilities. But the accomplishments and abilities need to be worthy of the praise. Without them matching, the false pride will lead to self-hate when reality undermines the attempted illusion. If one's abilities are not as good as one would like to pretend, it is just a matter of time before they are genuinely tested, and the results will destroy the flimsy self-esteem.

True pride, on the other hand, is rational. It has the secondary consequence of making a person want to improve himself in order to feel greater pride. This secondary effect, though, is not the reason for accepting pride as a virtue. Pride is virtuous because one needs it to live. It is the pillar that supports one's mind. Without it, one would constantly question one's ability to make rational judgments."

-Aristotal, Nicomachean Ethics, c. 350 B.C

Have a blissful weekend :) 

THE JOURNEY THROUGH LIFE

As we try to achieve what we want in life, we always manifest the best of our abilities to impress, be it in a job interview, a date, or an initial appearance anywhere. This is because first impression is important due to the reality that as human beings we are very judgemental on first sight.

We live in a ruthless world where educational merit is no longer the decisive factor compelling the employer in choosing the perfect candidate to hire for the job. The job market is flooded with competitive, enthusiastic and zealous young contenders all rooting for that good well paying job. Employability in itself has become a tough competition considering the prevalent tough economic atmosphere which forces us to be nothing short of perfect so as to stand out in the hiring pool.

In this "dog-eat-dog" world people go to extremes to get what they want notwithstanding how many toes they have to step on to get to the top. The rather intriguing fact is that even when you are good enough with all the boxes of a potential candidate ticked out, things are not easy as there is always that other factor of “who you know and not what you know”. It is very frustrating especially to an optimistic person freshly out of school.

The disappointing thing about life is that no one will come up to you and tell you that because you worked hard you deserve to get the best out of it. There is not much one can do about this but rather if you are already sitting on that job, stop whining about the boring long office hours while overdosing yourself with coffee and start appreciating that you can even afford to be bored while others are outside struggling. 

I have singled out this job scenario as a simple example but there are so many trials and tribulations in this journey called life which no one but God has got it all figured out. It is common human behavior to quickly forget where we come from when we get to our destinations. The important thing to remember is that life is not all about being at the top, it also entails the journey to get there. So like Usher said: "On the road to the riches, don’t forget to stop and take pictures." just so you don't get consumed and  lose yourself along the way.

THE INITIATIVE TO SUCCEED

We always ask ourselves why others are more successful than us, trying to decipher what exactly is that secret formula they have used to alleviate themselves. Numerous guidelines and studies are conducted daily to at least give people a glimpse on how to become successful.

My take is on the personal level regardless of the circumstances surrounding a person. Many people linger in poverty not because they are surrounded by challenging circumstances but because of how they carry themselves as individuals. In deed there is no distinct formula to succeed in life that is why we see school dropouts and PhD holders sometimes on the same level or at times the college dropout or that “dumb guy” in class succeeds more than the one who took the conventional route to success, that is study, get a good job, invest, retire. Being school smart and street smart are two distinct skills, and to succeed one has to master both.

So why do others seem more successful than others? Is it because they are more charismatic, or is it because God bestowed them a charm that they are destined to success? Setting aside the default God settings, when we come to the human adjustable configurations, the answer is more often than not, NO.

One may have all the education in the world and all the means to make it big in life but it is rather disappointing to see that they fail as individuals because of their personalities. Reasons being that some people blatantly lack ambition and are content with what they have. Opportunities may arise but their attitude of fear to take risks hinders them from manipulating the chances to succeed.

Self awareness is by far a fundamental ingredient to start with. It is important that one knows their strengths and weaknesses because some people are so oblivious of their traits that they fail to understand why they don’t succeed.A good example would be that one may lack social skills to interact with others and make meaningful productive conversations or are too arrogant to be approached but because of lack of self awareness they think they are doomed by God. That is not so. Only when you know you have a problem, will you be able to solve it.

The voluntary lack of exposure is another problem to be tackled if at all one wants to explore the options of success. For instance most of us who are in a position of accessing meaningful educative materials on the internet are busy the whole day browsing irrelevant gibberish from the web rather than looking for sustainable business ideas and investment skills which would make us better entrepreneurs in future. Despite challenges like capital and means to achieve your goals, perhaps having an idea is one step to success. Yes we all need destraction from work sometimes to be entertained and whatnot but searching for educative ideas a minute or two won’t hurt a little.

Some people may not be content with what they have yet they do nothing other than whining about it. They lack the initiative to take chances for the fear of the public eye. I can’t say shy is the right word, perhaps they lack motivation. It’s a tough world out there, rejection is part of the process but it doesn’t mean that one should take no for an answer. 

Most of us are so outspoken when it comes to irrelevant matters but stage fright kicks in at the time of articulating the things that matter. Perhaps we should learn to overcome that if at all one wants to succeed. Bill Gates and Oprah didn’t make it to the Forbes list by hiding behind others' shadows.

There is a lot one can say about what to do to succeed and economists and business analysts may come up with brilliant ideas to help one. There is no any breakthrough idea or advice that I or anyone can come up with and change our lives automatically but rather it is worth reminding each other that the drive to succeed has to come from within. As Abraham Lincoln rightly noted, there are so many opportunities out there but because we are not ready to acknowledge their presence by the lack of ambitious personalities makes success to many people still a far cry.

JUST FRIENDS

We all have those friends among our circle of friends that we feel the most comfortable with, those friends closest to our hearts that we confide to our secrets and share our dreams with. They are not necessarily of the same sex, at times they are of the opposite sex. In some instances, they know us better than we know our selves. Those we feel most comfortable to hang out with and share with even more than we share with our partners/spouses.

It is rather hard nowadays to absolutely have a genuine opposite sex friend without overcoming challenges of the doubting public eye. Regardless of the genuine intentions of the two, the evolving social dynamics have corrupted the serene environment of having such frank relationships in place.

This issue has rather affected many people and brought about argument in their relationships. It is hard to actually believe that your Partner is “just friends” with someone of the opposite sex, and this is due to the fact that they are sometimes even closer than the two of you are.

This is because it is only human that at times such friendship may result to falling for the friend, or a sensual temptation to have one of those flirtatious or “no strings attached” type of sexual encounters. Not that it happens to everyone, but in our contemporary societies this happens more often than not to an extent this sort is coined as "friends with benefits". Consequently, it disrupts the whole idea of friendship. Because it is common psychology that emotions will be involved coupled with jealousy disrupting the existent friendship.

Moral of My Story: 
 Friendship is a valuable thing to treasure. And to uphold that value, as adults there are invisible lines that should never be crossed. It is only common sense that a certain distance should be observed when one’s “best friend” is committed to somebody else. Many people have been victimised or rather have borne consequences of their actions by not respecting this fact. One may be genuinely befriending a person but as human beings, being misjudged is common character.
Thus as we would like others to do to us, let us do unto others the like.

THE GIFT OF CHILDHOOD

With the arrival of a new member to the family, everyone especially the parents want to believe that their child is an angel sent from above and hope to nurture the child to prosper into greatness one day.  Whether one was carefully planned, hardly searched for, or came accidentally, the feeling is almost the same.

I can still recall the happiness that filled our family at the long awaited arrival of my now 2 years old nephew called Ayman. It was phenomenal considering what his mother went through for this miracle baby. Being the first grandchild of the family, Joy filled everyone. The feeling of motherhood however is an unexplainable bittersweet experience that only mothers will know best. Indeed it must be a great feeling. 

Looking at my nephew I try to view the world through the innocence of a child and ask myself what runs through his mind. Childhood is among the gifts that God endowed us which we enjoyed obliviously. It certainly is a gift because imagine living life of total honesty without consequences, the only thing you worry about is yourself; the only love you have is the pure divine love for your family and friends.

When I think of him growing up in this cruel old world, my heart weeps. Not because I foresee his future or anything but because I imagine how he will have to endure the tough process of growing up only to become messed up egoistic machines like us adults. As parents, (not necessarily biological) we all want our children to grow up in accordance with what we value as best morals and ways of life. 

It is sad that life can’t offer us what exactly we want for our children sometimes in many ways but the undeniable truth is that no parent wishes for their child to grow into what society would label as bad people. Thus even as adults we should remember that we were once innocent children but life moulded us to become who are today, better or worse.

Moral of my Story: 

There is no reset button to the things we have done in our lives into a clean slate. 

But I believe we can always go back to who we really are inside, and that is the once Pure hearted, content, Joyous, and Optimistic persons we once were as children regardless of what we have become.